Tuesday 16 March 2010

Tread lightly for you know not whose heart lies beneath your heel (part 2)

“I am very grateful for you staying like this,” she said. “I know you are a busy man.” She smiled. The head-cocked-to-the-side smile, the half-hidden-by-the-hand smile, a smile of embarrassment. “This is just between us, yes? You will not tell anyone?”

“Have I ever?” he replied. “And who would I tell? My conniving colleagues? I wouldn’t give them the time of day if I could help it. My partner? Maybe, if I had one! My mother? Perhaps. But she scarce remembers what day it is, let alone a stranger’s confidences. No, your secret, whatever it may be, will remain between us.” He tried to look supportive, but what did supportive look like? Probably nothing like the way he looked, but nonetheless.

“There is a man, he comes here, mostly in the evenings. You may have seen him. Mostly we talk of silly things, but these past weeks, all he talks about is how he cheated on his wife! And how she left him, when she found out. And now how lonely he is! It makes me feel………..” She faltered.

“Uncomfortable?” he proffered.

“Yes, uncomfortable.” she said.

“So the customers are hitting on you again. Just not in the usual way! Is that why you get uncomfortable? You can’t tell them to push off, it’s not a direct approach, more oblique? You’re not sure if they are thinking what you think they’re thinking?” He raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“No! Yes! Maybe. I just know that there’s an itch I can’t scratch. No, it’s more like the feeling you have watching a horror movie. You know something dreadful is going to happen but you don’t know what. It’s not like I’m expecting something dreadful to happen but can you understand what I mean?” She paused.

“What does oblique mean,” she asked.

“Comes at you from the side,” he replied. “Like a curve ball, a leg break.”

“There you go again,” she said. “Always using words I don’t understand! Do you do it
deliberately? Curve ball? Leg break? Does this mean I break my leg or somebody else’s leg breaks?”

He winced. “Sorry, I don’t do it deliberately. It’s cricket. Means the ball comes into the batsman down the left side but ‘breaks’ towards the centre when it bounces.” He gestured with his hands, trying to show the trajectory of the imaginary ball. “I keep forgetting; cricket is an arcane religion and not everyone knows about it!”

“But it’s just a game and you talk of religion,” she said, surprised.

“Well, for some it is! OK, forget all that. You know how to deal with people who ask you outside for a ‘quick one’. That’s easy. ‘NO!’ But you don’t know how to deal with someone who doesn’t adopt the direct approach. Is that a fair summary?” He smiled again and became acutely aware of how much he was smiling. It was however difficult not to smile. Cruel,perhaps, but nonetheless it was hard not to be. To be in a quandary and over this?

“You tease me! You mock me! You think I don’t know how to handle these people. You think I am still a teenager. Embarrassed by a little attention! I know how to handle these people! It’s just......” She stopped abruptly and a flush suffused her skin. “I just don’t what I should do.”

“So you like him well enough to be friends but you don’t want to shag him until the cows come home, is that it?” he asked.

“No! Yes! I am married, you know this. I have a husband. I may not love him as much as I should, but that is my fault, no-one else’s. He is a good man. I could not, how would one put it, entertain another man’s attention. I am not made that way. I will be faithful unto death. It is the only way I know to live, don’t you think. Even if the other man might be the man of my daydreams, still I would not, could not, love, in any way. Even if I thought of the man every time my husband makes love to me; still, I would keep faith. I cannot be any other way.”

She started to sob, but quietly, face turned away, as though embarrassed; embarrassed at the tears falling down her cheeks; embarrassed about the emotion seeping through the cracks; the chinks in the armour.

He put his arm around her shoulder, gently, briefly. “Just keep stumm, quiet, Don’t rise to the bait.” he said. “By your silence, you will discourage him, if that is what you truly wish. You need have, at least, no fear in a crowded bar!”

“But if I stay silent, will that not discourage him, in all ways. Not just the.....” she hesitated again.

“Possibly,” he said. “You could always try ‘stop hitting on me all the time’ but that might be a little drastic! No, just ignore him when he starts to make you feel uncomfortable, He’ll soon get the message. It might take a while, blokes are notoriously dim. But he will get it, believe me”

“Thank you,” she said. “It was nice of you to stay. I hope you won’t get into trouble. ”

She kissed him lightly on the cheek.

They drained their glasses and rose. They walked slowly towards their respective places; she behind the bar, and he towards the door.

As he walked slowly to the door, waving ‘Goodbye’, he felt a piece of his heart break away and fall silently to the floor.

He left it where it lay.

Opening the door, he strode out.

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