What follows is a transcript of the inaugural speech by the new leader of the King's Cross Liberation Army, KKLA, at the first meeting of the reconstituted KKLA (formerly the Democratic Front for the Liberation of the Brunswick Centre, DFLBC).
"Comrades, I stand before you at this, our first meeting, with pride, deep personal pride. I am proud that you have have chosen me, Hieronymous Josep Lenin Blastoma, to lead the crusade against the imperialist, fascist Camden Council and its toadying hangers-on. I am proud that you have chosen me and not that fawning sycophant to Moscow, Michaelangelo Trotsky Stalingrad Stemcell, who led us so far from OUR chosen path with his weasel words and even more weasel-like actions. I stand before you, proud, unbowed, determined to lead this Army to glory and final victory in accordance with YOUR wishes not Moscow's! I am proud, intensely proud, to present to you our objectives, our policies, our agenda for real and sustained change not just here in Kings Cross but eventually across the length and breadth of this 'sceptred isle'! Too long have we lived and worked in the shadows. Today we will rise and show our face and Camden will tremble and know what it is to feel real fear!
May I first welcome colleagues in the struggle from the Free Democratic Republic of Barnet Village, colleagues from Bidonville aross the channel and our most esteemed colleague from Gastropub Owners against the Bomb (GOB). You are most welcome here friends and we thank you for your support! What you will hear tonight will gladden your hearts. What you will witness tonight will make your spirits soar to the very heavens! What you will be a part of tonight you will take back with you and energise your comrades to even greater glory than you have heretofore achieved!
What is our objective? To take back that of which we have been dispossessed! Our dignity, our liberty, our freedom, our right to bear arms, our right to walk the streets unmolested, our right to have our rubbish collected without paying exorbitant bribes to corrupt and capitalist binmen. We will take back our right to do as we please. We will wrest power from those who would succour capital, those who are in thrall to the lure of easy money! We will banish the flow of blood money to Councillors' pockets. We will make King's Cross clean again! A place fit for heroes! A place fit for US!
How will we achieve this? I have today penned a missive to the Prime Minister of Mauritius, Dr Navinchandra Ramgoolam, advising him that unless I hear from him by 12:00 noon on 1 March 2009, a state of war will exist between our countries. We will use any force necessary to take back that which is rightfully ours! The golden beaches where once our ancestors, the dodos, roamed will once again be ours. Ours to enjoy! Not the affluent, capitalist, comrade exploiting South Africans! NO! Mauritius is ours! If only we have the will! When Mauritius falls, as it surely will, it is but a small step to the Seychelles, the Maldives, St Lucia! We will work AND we will play!
And what of the developers? I hear you comrades! We will make them pay for the destruction that they have wrought across these fair fields. Every crane, every scaffold, every hoarding will be torn down. Every blight on our landscape will be eradicated by fair means or foul, mostly foul. The Semtex is on order. Already our operatives are inside Eurostar, making 'check-in' even more tortuous, disabling all the 'gates' bar one on busy days; already the x-ray machines are showing machine pistols in every bag; already every French speaking passenger is being made to pay a levy of £50 merely to pass through passport control! We will completely disable Eurostar in 3 months! And this is not the end!
Thank you comrades for your patience. Pens, mugs T-shirts and personalised bombs are on sale in the foyer, together with tea, coffee and Stolicnoya. I urge you to try Olga's bread and butter pudding!
Solidarnosc!"
Hmm. Could be going places.
Please explain.
ReplyDeleteKings Cross is now the termination for the cross-channel rail-link, London to Paris/Brussels, and both St Pancras station and the surrounding area have been undergoing a major redevelopment and regeneration programme over recent years. I don’t have overmuch of a problem with that but they’ve now opened up the terminus however the development isn’t finished and it’s total chaos in the mornings and evenings as clueless tourists block exits, form long queues everywhere, congregate where they shouldn’t and until they get the rest of the programme finished, travelling to work is a nightmare! So we’re going to do something about it! :) This post may seem to promote over drastic action but we have to start somewhere. :) If it seems to poke fun at activists who end up ‘creaming off the top’ then that’s purely coincidental!
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me, my next sabbatical is in 2012. Convenient, no? That’s a month off (extra) so I don’t need to travel to work during the Olympics. If it’s bad now, it is going to be so much worse then. Perhaps I’ll go off and write a book :)
Was my post overly-informative?
ReplyDeleteAnd, perhaps you should go to New Zealand and start a writer's club.
I thought you were poking fun at my husband's writing- NOT ALLOWED!
thank you for the note. you are sweet- not reeses pieces sweet but maybe dark chocolate with almost no sugar sweet.