Ah bless, Fricka chirruped her first penguin equivalent of 'Da Da' today! It never fails to bring a lump to my throat no matter how many times it happens, although that may just be the fish coming back up. Of course, Fricka always boasts that she's said 'Ma Ma' two days before but I think she (like all females) hears what she wants to hear :-). I mean why, when you ask: "Do you fancy a shag?", do they always ask why they would want a coastal northern seabird around, "as if the bonxies here aren't bad enough". But when it's: "I've only just got back, but I'll get little Frodo's next meal if you want to put your feet up for a bit", suddenly the tubes unblock and meaning is derived from the sounds? Is it willfulness or just the way their brains get wired in the presence of all that oestrogen?
I decided to stop by the Almighty's blog today. It must have been designed by St Lucy. You'd have thought "God's blog, click here!" would be in big letters all over the place. Nope! Buried amongst all the adverts for pieces of the "'True Cross', only $404.99!" and "A full size replica of David's slingshot, only $54.99, demolish your enemies! It did for Goliath, it'll do the same for you! As approved by the American military." Must have been a big cross, that's all I can say and a slingshot isn't going to be of much use against a stinger missile or a gatling gun, now is it?
Anyway, having found God's blog, I must say it was a little disappointing. It just seemed to be one long whinge. (Yes, alright. Mine haven't exactly been all fun and laughter recently.) It was just one long moan. A rant against all the demands she has to deal with every day. There was no joy in the omniscience of it all, just endless carping about farmers in China not wanting their rice harvest to fail. Endless prayers for a lottery win and how it was beyond even God's omnipotence to fulfil them all. George's endless whining about the need for another Republican victory, even if Obama is black! It would certainly seem that that one is seriously hacking God off and I suspect that there will be a lot of 'chad manipulation' after the votes go into the ballot box. One of the advantages of being God, I guess!
So I flipped across to the 100 most asked questions. A small selection is reproduced below:
Pride of place is,
1 Why is my life so shit, God! (97.4% of respondents. Says a lot, ay?)
But....
24 Why does my Big Mac taste of absolutely nothing after I've eaten the pickle/gherkin?
31 If I drink myself senseless and screw Mary Carpenter on the lawn, does this count as 'fornication'? (Popular girl, Mary Carpenter, 0.9% of respondents asked this question)
37 Why does the grass still on my lawnmower turn to rust over the winter?
47 Why is 'Jack Daniels' sold as bourbon when it's Tennessee sipping whiskey?
54 Do angels have sex and if so with whom? Other angels? Or are saints allowed?
58 If Jesus died on the cross to redeem mankind, does this mean I can screw Mrs Folks down the street and it's ok so long as I believe and go to confession?
69 Does the Pope approve? And if not, should he/she?
84 If you are so omnipotent, why don't the trains run on time?
85 If you are so omnipotent, why is MY post ALWAYS delivered to next door?
99 What's going on with energy prices?
I rest my case.
Penguin,
ReplyDeleteThe people who posted those questions are not interested in God- they are looking for Santa Clause.
I'm pretty sure that the almighty greater energy, or general human advancement, whichever you prefer, is more interested in baby talk than the intense and excessive demands of a greedy nation (or world.)
I hear a "starving orphans in Africa" speech coming on, and to that I will reply, "Get busy. If you are god, save them." If you are not god, and you nod here to the, "but I'm not god," then go ahead and get busy anyway. Jesus didn't free us to sit around and talk about injustice. We are to do something about it.
I never understand why the atheists in my life (First of all, why do I spend so much time on them?? How in the world do I expect to change them?) Can find so much wrong with the world, but are willing to do so little.
Penguins aren't that way, I'm sure. Penguins CAN'T really do anything, except exist and protect their young.
So, the penguin is off the hook. But the collector of obscure and possibly meaningless facts, is not, whoever that may be.
I'm personally not amused by the antics others expect "god" to perform. I'm over that.
"Tis but folly this blog." Yes. Tis.
'Tis a world of difference twixt folly and whimsy.
ReplyDeleteHave the courage to change that which can be changed but the humility to know that only God can order in their own image, not man, even if your name is Robert Mugabe or George Bush!
And Sinta 'Klaus is but a construct of the Roman Catholic Church so is this not the same thing as God?