The lovely Elena and green eyed monsters

Weird this morning. I was just getting ready to waddle my weary way back to the sea for more fish for 'little' Fricka (and myself; and by the way she's not so little anymore) when Fricka points out that's she going back herself and I can stay here writing my blog. Havelock will go with her and bring me back some fish. He 'knows' what I like. Er, what's going on here? She has a lover further down the coast? Unlikely, penguins are not as receptive as you lot outside the breeding season. She fancies Havelock and wants to spend more time with him? Possible I suppose. She's doing me a favour? Also possible. Still it's odd nonetheless. Horrible thing suspicion, don't you think? The green eyed monster? Must keep thinking nice thoughts, that's the best cure.

Got a funny email this morning. Now, if you have an email address, you get these all the time and I don't know why I opened it, nor why I read it, nor why I find it so amusing, in a 'faire rire dans l'ame' kind of way. I just do. This is the email.

"Hi my name is Elena. I search for the man with serious attitudes relations. It should be - decent, courageous, kind, tender, with boundless imagination, with sense of humour, pleasant in the dialogue, loving it is not a lot of romanticism. It is not a lot about itself: to me of 28 years, Blue eyes, the attractive blonde loving animals and also to photograph And a fine morning dawn. I live in city Chebokasary. At present I work as the seller in flowers. And in full of expectations and hopes to meet the man of the dream. Write to me on mine email.............."

What? You expected me to put the email address in? No, Malcolm Goodson would kill me if he thought I might be giving him more competition! :-) There was also a jpeg, which I didn't open, because it almost certainly contains a picture of some Russian porno starlet without clothes.

Now of course, any right thinking person would conclude that this is just a way of garnering valid email addresses for a spam list. The dolts that find the jpeg attractive email back and end up being bombarded with 'cheap viagra' ads. (They will need it too, she's insatiable and she's still got 8-10 years before she hits her prime and gives you a heart attack with her demands! :)

But it made me think. The internet is such a wonderfully global thing. It's such a good place to get to know other people without an enormous risk to your person (most of the time you'll be hundreds, if not thousands of miles apart) and in the case of 'Elena', it would be a wonderful way of getting out of your poorly paid, humdrum job and/or life in Russia and perhaps making a new start somewhere else. But we are all so cynical now, aren't we? Every unsolicited email is a phishing attack, an attempt to gather details useful in identity fraud, a way of getting your bank details and your money, some disguised attempt at paedophilia. I think that's very sad.

The internet really ought to be a way of creating a 'global village' and it could be but it's spoilt by a few criminal elements who want to make a fast buck out of other people's suffering, greed or just plain loneliness (or impotence).

I'm not sure why the email made me smile, I suppose at root it's just amusement at what people sometimes make with the English language. Russian doesn't have gender specific pronouns? I'd hate to be referred to as 'it'. But then what if Elena, the flower seller, making a few roubles an hour, actually exists? And what if Malcolm Goodson really was the man of her dreams? He is 'pleasant in the dialogue' and does have the 'boundless imagination' if not the sexual staying power! :) Ah well, 'strike one!' Makes a change from the Nigerians with $30,000,000 to dispose of!